A Day in the Life of Pyewacket

4 August 2007

6.00am The alarm didn't go off for some reason! Everyone wake up! Wake up!! Uh oh... I only know it's 6.00am, how am I supposed to know it's something called a weekend? I hope she gets me something to eat while she's getting her cup of tea. I love it when she uses the siamese cat mug. :)

6.15am Yawn. I'll just go back to bed, under the covers, on the electric blanket. I hope she doesn't keep me awake with her noisy typing. I wonder what she's writing about now? Hope I'm in it.

7.11am Am woken up by sound of noisy cappuccino maker. Retaliate by putting two hairballs on the bedroom carpet. Walk, while stretching to the window, see frost on the ground outside, shudder and shake one paw hard. Stalk back to the electric blanket. Rip tag from bed sheet and give it to her to throw for me. I live to play fetch. Wash furiously, then thank God for long tail and chase it. Wash between toes. I deserve the nickname of "clean kitten", not "bad kitten".

7.20am Curl up into little siamese ball and go to sleep.

7.27am Wake up and chomp hard on laptop electrical cord. Twice. Get very offended at being told off but at least I get a strong reaction. Curl up into tighter siamese ball to show displeasure.

7.58am Wake up and stare at Tigger, who has joined Trixie and me on the electric blanket. Wait for her to turn her back. Plan an attack! Accidentally fall back asleep.

9.26am Wake up to slight breeze as she turns pages of last year's travel journal. Move away to curl up next to Tigger. Look around for mischief to get up to. Lick Tigger's ear once to make her wash my face. It worked! Fall back asleep.

9.34am Hear can of tuna flakes with tender crabmeat being opened in kitchen. Push past Trixie to get my share. Return to tell her how good it was and to share my tuna and crabmeat breath. I'm always thoughtful like that.

9.51am Prick ears forward and stare at her cereal bowl. Wait for her to finish to lick the milk at the bottom of it. Why has she moved away? I hardly ever peer into the bowl while she is eating and then sneeze into it. Climb up her leg and make her spill milk from bowl onto just washed dressing gown.

9.53 Will go and sit with Alessandro in front of the bathroom heater and stare at him while he is getting dressed. Will sneeze successfully into his bowl of cereal. That got a good response! Chew on his clothes. Another good response. I wonder what that word means? Will not be moved out of the bathroom. Put up resistance. Really good response that time. Stare up at lock on bathroom door and look to other cats for advice.

10.02am Wash tail furiously. Being dark brown it's so hard to see if it's clean or not. Catch claw in bedspread. Walk away and not notice thread stuck in claw, following along behind. Sneeze violently and hit head on laptop. Sit very still with ears back and tongue sticking out slightly and try to look as if I am thinking up something very clever. Chew already frayed end of pink velvet collar. Never liked it anyway, am sure it was a hand-me-down from Trixie.

10.24am Sit up and stare really hard at her. Make her get up and get one of my toy mice to play fetch with me. Glare and squirm while she cleans my eyes first. What are the other cats for if not to wash my face? Yowl loudly when the mouse gets thrown behind the door. Make Alessandro fetch it. Good boy, now sit!

10.32am Stop chewing laptop cord to chew Skype headphones. Purr loudly as unidentified dark brown substance is scrubbed off the back of my head. I rolled in something and as I'm an indoor cat... Jump as very expensive pool cue case falls over on the tiled floor. Really, I was nowhere near it!

2.02pm Open eyes half way then roll them to the back of my head when she unrolls me from being a ball, and rudely rubs my tum. Complain using best siamese yowl and roll back up with my back to her. Thank God there's no webcam attached to this.

4.21pm Ears prick up. eyes open wide and Pyewacket's up and away! Hiss! That was Tigger being run over. Thump! That was Pyewacket missing the corner and bumping off the furniture. Splat! Trixie got jumped on in the litter box. Tinkle, tinkle - Pyewacket's name tag and two bells clatter against the food dish. Well, that will need refilling.

4.53pm Sit all alone on the end of the bed and cry, loudly. Will just sing to myself, "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms!" I wonder why the other two cats won't play with me? Ooh! A flock of cockatoos flying over! Shall just sit on the scratching post in the window and yell at them.

4.55pm Walk over to Trixie and bang her on the chin with the hard top of my head. This always surprises her and she washes me for ages. If I pay very careful attention, I can work out when she's had enough and wriggle out from where she's holding me down before she... too late, bites me. Perhaps Tigger will wash me if I prod at her with my paw.

5.04pm Will just try Tigger again. Whoops. Bad idea. Will creep under quilt and sneak up and jump out on Tigger. H’mm, I don't see the point in Tigger if she won't play with me. She's VERY old. She's 8. I could look in the 'phone book for an old cat's home for her, if I could turn the pages.

5.18pm That's my bottom Tigger's biting! I didn't say I wanted to play - did I? Maybe we can both chase Trixie.

5.49pm Sit on Giancarlo's knee and stare for ages at his fish tank. He has just set it up today in the family room and put his six yellow barbs back in. There were seven. I don't believe that one went to God. Trixie caught a convict fish out of his tank once and nobody knew for a whole day.

6.25pm Move to the cat scratcher in front of the big living room heater as the temperature drops even lower. I reckon all short haired cats ought to live in Hawaii.

8.37pm Interrupt the Inspector Lynley series on TV by insisting loudly that someone defrost and cut up steak for me NOW! Shake one paw hard and look pitiful when shown the expensive canned crab and tuna meal and the even more expensive breeder's choice dried cereal already served up for me.

10.27pm Can't figure out why she won't let me share her drink. Cats like Milo too you know! And why is she unplugging the laptop? The day's just beginning...

10.35pm Now I'm going to do my sport. I gallop, trampoline, toss and fetch my mouse, and climb enthusiastically. I also shadow box and practise my pouncing. I can even do all of this in the dark! I am just amazing!